A day in the life of a normal person who (barely) wakes up 30 minutes before she needs to leave, always eats, and studies at Netflix University in her free time

Before reading this (overly informative) blog parody about my daily life, please read this utterly ridiculous article from Business Insider: https://www.businessinsider.com/a-day-in-the-life-of-hsbc-executive-melania-edwards-2018-10

Lauren wakes up at 6:20 a.m., giving her juuuust enough time to throw on whatever clothes are piled on her bedroom chair.


“I find that the best way to set the tone for the day ahead is to freak out over snoozing my alarm too many times, and not have enough time to brush my hair,” she said.


At 6:50 a.m., she rushes out the door to work.


Lauren has perfected the art of “I’ll get up early today so I have plenty of time to relax, eat breakfast, and get ready for my day” and never making that happen.


She drives to work — a 26 mile commute that takes far too long — at 6:55 a.m.


“The road rage and passive aggressiveness is contagious,” she said.


At 7:30 a.m., she’s still driving.


Before getting to work, Lauren likes to piss herself off with still being in traffic due to her 5 snooze button hits.


She gets into the office around 7:40 a.m.


Once Lauren gets into work, her day is full of emails that don’t relate to her, scanning calls for spammers, and trying to get her freaking chair to stop freaking squeaking.

During these days, she and her colleagues help console each other from email overload, from providing each other with breakfast candy to sending unbelievable news stories around.


Around 10:30 a.m., she drinks a second cup of coffee.


Lauren talks to herself to understand her caffeine desires and matches her needs with the available coffee left in the pot.

To Lauren, this is a great opportunity to expand her knowledge in the coffee industry.

“It’s exciting to learn about whether or not there is still coffee left,” she said. “Working in an office exposes me to a plethora of cold coffee.”


It’s time for lunch around noon.


To Lauren, lunch is “a time to quickly shove food in my face” after an intense morning at work. Her break usually starts at around noon, and she likes to grab a premade meal from Cub Foods.

“There is always plenty of sodium, and the tastelessness refreshes me for the rest of the day,” she said.


Around 12:15 p.m., she posts on Instagram.


Unlocking her phone, Lauren pulls up Instagram. Her and her boyfriend recently vacationed on the west coast, a place that required multitudes of photographic documentation.

“I recognize there is an issue with underrepresentation of my vacations on social media, specifically ones I’ve just taken, so I just wanted to do something to help,” she said.


Working in one office, Lauren uses an overpriced computer office setup to help her make the most of the time at work. Sometimes she likes to grab a cup of coffee from the Starbucks next to her office.


“Coffee is my favorite, as I am sleepy,” she said. “I will have one coffee in the morning and more coffees for the rest of the day.”


A big believer in continuous learning, Lauren is getting a certificate in scrolling and liking from Twitter University.


Later in the evening, Lauren works with an organization in Los Gatos, California to promote humanities digital media empowerment in the country.


After work, she spends some time viewing proposals for the organization.

“In my spare time, I try to give back,” she said.


At 7:30 p.m., she clicks “Yes, I’m still watching”.


Because a lot of her day is spent on her computer, Lauren likes to fit in more valuable screen time.


Still, the best way to wind down after a busy day is ordering food with her boyfriend and experimenting with new fast food restaurants.


“He never fails to get me some food,” she said.


After dinner, they plop back on the couch for more Netflix, which has become their evening ritual.


“On the evenings that we stay in, we turn on Gossip Girl, reflecting upon their key wins and challenges and preparing for the Netflix adventures of the next day,” she said.

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